New chapter of my life

So..

Here begins my new chapter. After 15 months, I am single. As of exactly two weeks ago today actually. He asked me out on a Thursday, and broke up with me on one. To be honest, I don't know my current status. To be honest and sum everything up, my heart got broken and I'm working on the damages.

This is the point where I say it. Two weeks ago Trask cheated on me with Becca Vogl. He broke up with me because his feelings changed. The Friday after, his best friends told me the truth. Monday I found out at the beginning of our relationship, he cheated on me with Emily Wrider, but deep down I knew that one. But it pissed me off enough to go to the cafeteria and hit him for it. Then when I knew I couldn't hit him like I wanted to, I walked outside, punched a brick wall, and about broke my hand. It was sick lol.

I have my good moments... Then I chill even for a split second, then the moments fall into my head. The first kiss, the waking up on his chest seeing him smiling at me, all the pictures of us EVERY WHERE, all the cute songs, the moments, special places, everything that was TNT... Then I think what makes her so much better then me, all that crap that just tears into you... It could be so easy to talk shit, or hurt her, and him, and just tell all the stuff I know.. But I can't. Don't have it in me, I just want to let go. Which hurts but eh...

I forgave him cheating. I don't have enough energy to hate him to be honest. Not that kind of person. I don't hate Becca either. Its not worth it. Honestly, even though he has royally fucked me over and hurt me to a point I could stand, eat or sleep, I still want his friendship. Because even though he was never a friend to be, I truly was his friend. We were each others everything ya know, so I've felt lost with out him. But I;m starting to get up and just brush off. I've had some "hook ups" but then, when it comes to the point where the guy wants more... I say, even though I'm super vulnerable right now, that doesn't change the girl I am, and "hook ups" are not me.

I have come to a point where it hurt and pissed me off, and still does from time to time, but its not my everything anymore.. He's had Becca to distract him from the actual break up, where as I just got through it. Its weird, but still.. Actually while going through this, I opened my eyes to see other people.. And in the process, a really good friend, turned into something more :) I think I needed something to just change my train of thought, and last weekend did :) I got happy. And stayed that way.

Also thank you for all the kindness I really apprecaite all of the support:)

I'm not over it, and deep down I never will be completely.. But I'm getting so over it.. I'm moving on..

"I'm over your lies and I'm over your games.I'm over you asking me,when you know I'm not okay. You call me at night, and I pick up the phone. And though you've been telling me, I know you're not alone. That's why (your eyes) I'm over it (your smile) I'm over it (realize) I'm over..

Wanting you,to be wanting me. No that ain't no way to be. How I feel, read my lips, because I'm so over.. Moving on, it's my time, you never were a friend of mine. Hurt at first, a little bit, but now I'm so over it...I'm over your hands, and I'm over your mouth. Trying to drag me down, and fill me with self-doubt. I'm Moving on, it's my time, you never were a friend of mine. Hurt at first, quite a bit...

Don't call, don't come by, ain't no use, don't ask me why, you'll never change,there'll be no more crying in the rain. How I feel, read my lips,because I'm so over.. Moving on, it's my time, you never were a friend of mine. Hurt at first, a little bit, but now I'm so over. I'm so over it.."